I saw a small shadow looking down at me early this morning.
“Mom, I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe.”
Instinctively, I let him have a small space on our bed. Sky still was having a hard time breathing and I took him back to his bedroom. I sprayed some Afrin through both of his nostrils – it offered him some relief as he was able to breathe a little bit better – but he was waking up in between.
We both haven’t been feeling too great the night before. And at 5 o’clock in the morning I had to text my rehab manager that I wouldn’t make it to work today.
I hate doing that. In my mind, I know it means extra work for my coworkers when I have to call in sick. However, I knew Sky both and I need one day at least to help us recuperate and get back in the groove of things.
I know I have been stressing out internally about a lot of things. Actually, I thrive on being a little stressed. Control is one of my best and worst character traits. Just ask my husband. He thinks I am OCD. And I think I am to a point.
My life is like clockwork. I wake up, run (or sleep in), make and have breakfast, prepare Sky’s lunch, go to work, pick Sky up or clean the house, cook dinner, plan dinner for next day, downtime with family, sleep and repeat. And in between days I try to blog and read too. And most recently, we just recently gave our immigration lawyer all the paperwork that he needs to start processing my conditional permanent residence visa. With September just around the corner, which is the month that my working visa ends – my anxiety grows each day – that I may not be able to work. I am worried that my Employment Authorization Document may push through a month after September.
My husband is very much aware of the increasing level of anxiety that I have right now about this matter.
“Everything will be fine. Stop worrying about it.”
But, I don’t.
This morning when Sky and I finally woke up after a much needed sleep. He looks at me with sleepy eyes and says, “Are you mad at me?”
“Why would I get mad at you?”
“Because, I was sick and you didn’t get to work today. I think I made you sick too.”
All I could do was smile and just let everything go. Just surrender because everything will fall in its right place eventually.