I know that there are other women and even men out there who have been in a worst position than I have. But sometimes, even without knowing it – there are scars that leave you emotionally when you were in an emotionally abusive relationship. And these scars becomes habits that you bring into your daily life. I didn’t really notice it, but my loving husband most certainly did.
Most people like myself who find themselves in the same predicament, Google the signs online – hoping we can find answers that will help us get out of an emotionally exhausting relationship. For a different twist, here are signs that you are NOT in an emotional abusive relationship.
You Don’t Apologize ALL THE TIME.
This is one habit that I still am working on. As of late, I find myself still apologizing and saying sorry all the time when things go wrong. It doesn’t have to be my fault – I just say “sorry” even when I don’t need to. “You don’t have to apologize. You did nothing wrong.” Tony tells me a lot of times.
You Don’t Need to Ask for Permission.
This one I have almost mastered. Going out with friends and family comes as an announcement to my husband. As long as we don’t have anything planned for that particular day or time. I am free to go with my fabulous coworkers, new mommy friends and family – as long as I drink responsibly. I have free reign on what clothes to wear, what food I feel like eating, eat with my hands freely, and chat loudly through facetime with my family. I am now empowered to be me.
You and your partner Fight Fair.
Honestly, I can only think of a handful of times in our almost 3 years of togetherness that we ever disagreed with something. And when we do, we fight fair. There was no 2 weeks of silent treatment, no guilt trips and we always make up by the end of the day. Sometimes we even agree to just disagree.
Your money and his money is mostly your money.
“When we win more than 5 million dollars in the lottery. You will quit your job and do what you like doing, like your blogging stuff – and I will continue working.” My husband and I equally both hold good jobs that we both like. But I know that I have the option to work part-time if I choose to and my husband supports me 100% emotionally and financially.
You don’t feel degraded at all.
“You know to be a Physical Therapist, you need to know how to give directions right? Even if you pass that exam, you know your english isn’t that good. You’ll have a hard time doing that job you know.”
“That is not how you cut fish with a knife.”
“If you don’t have anything smart to bring to the table. Just don’t say anything at all.”
Just some of the words I used to hear back in the day. Oh boy, when I hear my ex-husband say these words. I feel so microscopic, so insignificant. These words are a thing of the past for me.
“Thanks babe! You rock!”
“Thanks for cooking dinner. It was so tasty.”
“You’re so smart babe. So glad I have you.”
And I could go on and on with the kind and loving words and gesture that my Tony tells me every single day. So, when you think you’re in an emotionally draining and abusive relationship – the only advice that I can give you is – LEAVE. Most men and women who are emotionally abusive sometimes cannot help themselves and would most probably never change. If you need any help, talk to your friends or even seek help from one of the Women’s Center near your or go to nomore.org or safehorizon.org.